I am a Jesus pusher!!! I have been reassured by other Jesus pushers. One of the great saints of years gone by is Saint Theresa. She was a young lady who died in her early twenties after prolonged illness from childhood. Her writings expressed an intimate relationship with Jesus through the attitude of worship. She cried out her desire to be a “rag doll” for Jesus. When I read this, I was not impressed. I want to be a soldier for the Kingdom. A great warrior fighting for my Master is my desired image. However, as I continued to read her writings, I was broken. She reported that a rag doll exists exclusively for the pleasure of the child. It serves no other purpose. The child will play with the rag doll and then discard it for hours, even days. Perhaps the rag doll is thrown under the bed and ignored. The child discovers the rag doll with great delight only to set it aside. The rag doll exists exclusively for the pleasure of the child.
Jesus is this great in my life. I have no agenda. My love for Him does not come from a beneficial relationship. I do not love Him because He meets my needs. If I never receive another blessing from Him, my passion is still for Him. If He throws me under the bed for long periods of darkness, I am content. I am at His disposal; I exclusively trust His plan. My worship is experienced in the depth of submission. I have relinquished all control or restrictions. There is only one thing which matters; it is Him. There is no mixture; it is exclusively Him. I worship Him alone. Every waking moment is about Him. The entire flow and direction of life is focused on Him. There is nothing happening in my life which is not under His control. He has won my heart. What can I say? How can I adequately express it? I am a Jesus pusher!!!